I started living full-time on June 1st 2001, I was just coming to the end of my Access Course in Humanities and Social Sciences and had been offered a place at five different Universities, but I had picked The University of Sheffield as my first choice. I had been going into College on certain days as Carol, but my fellow students and a couple of tutors were having a problem with this. However, this was a good problem easily solved because they were saying that they would rather see Carol full-time. I had planned to start University as Carol and had just received an appointment to see Dr Kevan Wylie at the Porterbrook Clinic in Sheffield for the beginning of August as a private patient. I had also realised I needed to get all my legal work done and that would mean my academic records from the college would be in my new name.
When Carol was born I couldn't have wished for better support from students and my tutors alike. The next major hurdle was for Carol to meet the course team at the University faculty, because they had interviewed the old me.
Everything went absolutely brilliantly, I was even set up with a University counsellor which became very useful. I had my August appointment at the clinic, assessment no problem, everything there that I needed (still a private patient), I would be on hormones by Christmas and I started facial hair removal at Cristianos in Altrincham.
I officially started my BMedSci in Health and Human Sciences course on October 1st 2001, however, the previous week all the new students were invited to the faculty for a getting to know each other session. This was going to be my launching; on people who I was hopefully going to spend the next three years with. I had been having laser treatment for a couple of months and it was starting to work, however, because I had really dark facial hair, I knew it was going to take time. Therefore, I was using Keromask and Dernlacolor make-up, which if any of you have used it you know what it is like. However, I was passing with some success. At the get-together meeting, of course I was the last one there, there were one or two lingering looks but overall not bad. This degree was fairly new, we were the second intake, and it had been set up for around 30 students maximum, there were ten of us, who were eventually to become a close knit group, but I didn't know that then.
The group did several tasks inter-changing with each other and one or two were a bit uneasy with me. The group was nine women (including me of course) and one guy, Chris. Five of the girls were 18 years of age straight in from A-Ievels and the rest of us were mature students ranging from 22 to 53 and I was the oldest by 20 years. About half the group were chatting quite normally by the end of the two hour session and there had been no inquisitive questions. I had decided before starting University that I would only explain about myself if someone asked. The five who really introduced themselves in that session were to become very close to me, although as I said before this group became one happy and supportive family.
I've asked my lovely friends if I could use their first names in this article and it was a united answer "of course". These five were Donna, she was the nearest to me in age and only lived about two miles from me and the other four who were eighteen year olds all away from home, Clare, Helen, Katy and the dear Natalie who later called me 'Uni-mum'. Katy was the first to ask me a question about myself saying "when I first saw you I though you were just a manly looking woman".
It appeared some of the group had been discussing me and twigged I was transsexual, and that because friendships were starting to blossom they wanted to know me better and what I had gone through and what was going to happen to me over the time I was going to spend with them. I knew then that I could not have hand-picked a nicer group of people to spend three years with and to see Carol grow, or as it was remarked on graduation day, "we have watched Carol blossom over the last three years and it has been an honour to be part of her journey".
After about a month at University I had a panic attack whilst I was walking across the busy concourse in front of the Student Union building. All these young students milling about, I thought what the hell am I doing here? It is hard enough being a transsexual at University but a mature student as well. I told my student support advisor Ruth who was to become a good friend about it and she gave me the book; 'Feel the fear; and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers. I read this and a week later I sat on a bench at the concourse at the busiest time and had my lunch, never had another panic attack.
So! As the first year went by we all got to know each other better, I always got asked how I had gone on when it was a clinic day and they complimented me on my voice, as that changed after speech therapy sessions. After starting my HRT they were asking if I was fine and they always picked up on when I was having a bad day because I was quiet, and they weren't used to having a quiet Carol. They were phoning me for help around revision time and we were starting to have the odd nights out, including all going for a meal at Christmas and in the first year clubbing. I also went on to meet Helen's, Katy's and Natalie's parents who were all so wonderful, especially Sue who was Natalie's mum; Sue told me she felt happier knowing that Natalie could come to me for help if need be. Natalie also told me that her mum had remarked that if she had not had prior knowledge of me she would not have guessed that I was TS.
Four weeks before the start of my second year I helped with Universities 'Mature Student Welcome Weekend' which I also did the year after.
Along with five other mature students from different faculties I gave a talk in March 2003 to prospective students on life as a mature student.
The week before I started my second year I went to Prague for a nose-job and didn't tell any of my fellow students, so it was a shock when I walked in that Monday with my nose plastered up and two lovely black eyes. Again, the support I received was out of this world and by December 2002 (NHS funded now) I was on anti-androgens and the changes become more visible which always brought inquisitive questions but these were with compassion and friendship.
In July 2003 I was the first undergraduate in my faculty to give their own seminar which was; 'Transsexuality: Unlived Lives' .This was for a 'Social Sciences in Health' cluster, with most of my fellow students being home for the summer, they sent good luck wishes. Following this I was asked to run my own seminar for the Porterbrook Clinic; teaching postgraduate psychotherapists on 'Transsexualism' and afterwards two of these students came up to me and told me they had learned more by meeting and listening to me than reading any book.
I have to say my University real life experience has to be; apart from the birth of my two daughters, the most fulfilling and rewarding time of my life. I've had a journey at University with nine other wonderful people along with a team of supportive and helpful staff who have seen that we do lead authentic and fulfilling lives.
Class of 2004
Copyright 2005-10 Carol Robson BMedSci (Hons) FRSA [All Rights Reserved]
