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When I first transitioned my hair was fairly short and I had a small patch of male-pattern baldness at the back of my head. I could style my hair and with the help of blonde highlights make a reasonable female hairstyle. When I started living full-time I visited a local hairdressing salon in Rotherham called Peter Bird, with view to buying a nice stylish wig to help while I grew my hair longer. They were ever so helpful and understanding especially Peter the owner and Sue the manageress who regularly does my hair now. I paid around 150 pounds for a shoulder length wig in a reddish colour, similar style to how Jennifer Aniston was wearing her hair at that time. I wore the wig until the beginning of September but it got too much for me. It had been quite warm and I felt uncomfortable wearing the wig, so I decided to go back styling my own hair and when I could afford it I would have long hair extensions fitted. All this had been discussed between Sue and me and over the following years Sue became such a great help and a good friend.

Here I was then, two months away from starting which was to become the most rewarding and fulfilling three years of my life, going through University as a mature female student with all the trials, tribulations and joy that my transition would bring me. I had also managed to get on prescription Dermacolor/Keramask make-up which had been formulated for my skin colour by the British Red Cross Society; this is usually used for people with skin burns/blemishes. I used this for a short time because I had quite a dark shadow after shaving, however, after several sessions of laser treatment for facial hair removal I was able to cover with a good foundation.

Family issues still had to be dealt with while everything else was going on. I was really pleased because my youngest daughter had got a place at Birmingham University to take a degree in German Language. At first she did not want me to take her there when she moved with all her stuff, I think she was worried what her new flatmates would think. However, after getting to know me as Carol and to understand what I had gone through, she changed her mind and really wanted me to take her to Birmingham. The irony was that, although she had these previous worries about what her new flatmates would think it turned out that one of them had an Auntie who used to be her Uncle.

During those months leading up to starting University I had also tried to get my brother to understand what I had gone through and that I was now putting my life right. We had never been really close, I felt that I needed to try and get him to understand, however, he would not accept me as Carol and I have not met with him in four years. We have had the odd quick phone conversation and we still exchange birthday cards etc, although, at first he always addressed them in my former male name, I binned them.

I also contacted two female cousins Joan who lives in Grantham and Beryl who lived near my former home. They were both to become very understanding and supportive, unfortunately Beryl was taken from us far too early when she died on a visit to Australia in 2003, I miss her so much. Over the following years I have visited Joan many times and she phones me regularly.

Here I was a few weeks away from starting University and getting appointments sorted with the Porterbrook Gender Identity Clinic. Through this process of getting appointments, for blood tests, the professionals I needed to see, I was to have many phone conversations with Jill Memmott who was PA and Secretary to Dr Wylie, Jill eventually became one of my closest and dearest friends, Jill no longer works at the clinic.

I was told by Dr Wylie that I would be assessed over the next few months, prior to starting hormone treatment and my progress would be discussed at the regular gender panel meetings. After having the blood tests done (cost me 460 pounds) I had to see; firstly Llynwen who is a psychotherapist. Llynwen is a lovely lady, although I only had this one session with her, she remarked that within the first ten minutes she knew there would be no need to see me again. Llynwen told me my body language was right, how I sat down, engaged with her in conversation and my dress sense. I got know Llynwen better, as she was involved with a project I did later at University and I worked with her at a conference in 2004. During those first few months I also had to see a Style Counsellor, which made some of my friends smile as they remarked that it was something I certainly did not need help with. I also started having speech therapy sessions with the wonderful Jane. This was something that I felt so strongly about; that I needed to get it right and that it was an important stage in my transition. To me the voice is the extension of the visible person, what was the point of say going shopping, passing as a woman and then asking an assistant for help with a voice that belongs to a man. I worked real hard on my voice over the following months and after seven sessions with Jane, she told me I had good voice within the female range and I believe this helped me over the next few years at University, especially when it came to doing my lecture/teaching and presentation work.

As the start of my University drew closer I started having weekly sessions with Penny my University counsellor, Penny was to become a tremendous help to me over the first two years at University. Through having a disability I was also given a Student Support Advisor, her name was Ruth. Ruth became very supportive of me through my transition during my time at University and we met up on many occasions for a coffee, as just good friends.

(Also see Degree of Excellence published version of my life at University)

I officially started my BMedSci in Health and Human Sciences course on October 1st 2001, however, the previous week all the new students were invited to the faculty for a getting to know each other session. This was going to be my launching; on people who I was hopefully going to spend the next three years with. I had been having laser treatment for a couple of months by now and it was starting to work, however, because I had really dark facial hair, I knew it was going to take time. However, I was passing with some success. There was a get-together meeting arranged for the week before the official start, of course I was the last one there, there were one or two lingering looks but overall not bad. This degree was fairly new, we were the second intake, it had been set up for around 30 students maximum, there were ten of us, who were eventually to become a close knit group, but I didn't know that then.

The group did several tasks inter-changing with each other and I felt that one or two were a bit uneasy with me. The group was nine women (including me of course) they were; Donna, Janet, Shakira, Natalie, Katy, Helen, Clare and Hannah (aka scouse) and one guy, Chris. Five of the girls were 18 years of age straight in from A-Ievels, the rest of us were mature students ranging from 22 to 53 and I was the oldest by 20 years. About half the group were chatting quite normally by the end of the two hour session and there had been no inquisitive questions. I had decided before starting University that I would only explain about myself if someone asked. There were five of them that really introduced themselves more in that session, they were to become very close to me, Donna, Clare, Helen, Katy and the dear Natalie who later called me Uni-mum.

A couple of weeks into the course Katy was the first to ask me a question about myself, remarking when I first saw you I thought you were just a manly looking woman. It appeared some of the group had been discussing me and twigged I was transsexual. The nice thing here is that because friendships were starting to blossom they wanted to know me better, they wanted to understand what I had gone through and what was going to happen to me over the time I was going to spend with them. I knew then that I could not have hand-picked a nicer group of people to spend three years with, to see Carol grow, or as it was remarked on graduation day, we have watched Carol blossom over the last three years and it has been an honour to be part of her journey. I have asked my lovely friends if I could use their first names and it was a united answer, Of Course.

After about the first month at University I had a panic attack whilst I was walking across the busy concourse in front of the Student Union building. All these young students milling about, I thought what the hell am I doing here? It is hard enough being a transsexual at University but a mature student as well. I told my student support advisor Ruth about it and she gave me the book; Feel the fear; and do it anyway, by Susan Jeffers. I read this and a week later I sat on a bench at the concourse at the busiest time and had my lunch, never had another panic attack.

I also believe that something which happened a month earlier played some part in helping me through the panic attack episode. I had been meeting up with Jan quite frequently as our friendship rekindled. Jan had been telling me about how she had learnt and gave treatments of the ancient Japanese healing practice of Reiki. Jan was also giving treatments of Shiatsu, which is a form of massage developed in Japan, although it is historically based in Chinese medicine. It was a visit to the Japanese Garden and Meditation Centre near Lincoln with Jan which I now believe had some influence on my life, Jan was friends with the Japanese owner. His name was Koji and I felt such a calming influence from him and all the time I spent in the gardens I felt at peace with myself. I also start to feel very spiritual about my very existence and the world around me, however, I did not then realise that two years later a meeting with a psychic and then a particular moving experience would have such a profound influence on my life. Koji had just penned two verses about his thoughts on how he had seen his garden on two separate mornings; these were written in both English and Japanese. He printed copies for me, they are framed and on my living room wall where I can see them everyday. See Poems

On our way home after this outing Jan took me to visit one of her two daughters, Jan had also arranged to meet Tom, who was the guy she was seeing at that time. I loved meeting Jans daughter, I later went on to meet her other daughter as well, we have all had several lovely nights out to the theatre over the last few years. When Tom arrived Jan introduced me to him and we got on well straight away. Then something happened which was a first for me. At that time my figure was still quite flattering, I was not on any hormones treatment yet, so no weight increase which was to happen later. I am only five feet four inches tall in my bare feet, small hands and I only take a size six shoe. Tom remarked on my small hands, as he held them he said he could not believe I was not on hormone treatment because of my shape. The longer he held my hands I started to have that butterfly feeling in my stomach, I was starting to go to pieces, I had never felt this way about a guy before, this was my first time, I knew it was right. I had to let go, I could feel myself blushing, I just did not want Jan to notice. Even later when I would phone Jan and Tom answered the phone, I would talk to him for a while first. Many months later when Jan and Tom split up, it was only then that I told Jan how I had felt about Tom, I think she really did have an idea before I owned up.

I was increasingly busier during those last few months of 2001. I now began to understand how University life was different, especially for me it was an exciting time, learning new things, ways how things were done differently at University and what was expected of you, the standards as expected so much higher. New friendships were being formed, however, more importantly this included my relationship with Gillian; this was now being formed into a new friendship and in that we still very much cared for each other, I saw this as perhaps how sisters care for each other.

I was also fitting in appointments at the Porterbrook Clinic. I was also starting my speech therapy sessions along with the increasing work at University, the weekly sessions with Penny my University counsellor, also the monthly facial laser treatments at the Cristianos Clinic in Altrincham. I had been told that the Gender Panel meetings at Porterbrook were assessing me to start estrogen hormone therapy around Christmas time. Then I got the best early Christmas present I could have wished for, I was given an appointment with Dr Wylie for December 17^th. I was to have a medical examination with him, a nurse was present as well and everything was explained. I was asked if I wanted to bank some sperm before starting hormone treatment, which horrified me, but I can understand the need for it for someone much younger than myself, if in the case of later regretting reassignment treatment and surgery. I quickly signed everything, my early Christmas present came, I started on transdermal estrogen patches, and this was explained as being the best way of introducing the female hormone due to my age. I cried all the way as I drove home after that appointment and I immediately phoned all my friends when I got home with my good news, a few tears were shed that night and a glass or two of wine went down well. I really felt from that moment, that I was moving forward, things were falling into place and I would have a wonderful future.

Several of us from University had our Christmas night out that same week at Brannigans in Sheffield; it was indeed a double celebration for me. All my friends toasted my future happiness and success. Although our divorce had been absolute for about a month; Gillian invited me to have Christmas day with her, the girls and my ex in-laws. That Christmas was a wonderful end to a rollercoaster ride of a year.

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